Uncle Genius Went To A Baby Shower

Uncle Genius didn’t know from babies.  He had hated kids.  He had only liked her because she had never really been a kid.  She had been a morbid cynical adult when she came out of the womb.  He could stand that.

He had sat on the couch uncomfortably most of the time.

It was one of those  all genders invited showers.  He appreciated the progressiveness of it all, he told her, he still didn’t see why that meant he had to be there.

He would sneak off to smoke cigarettes and take nips off his flask.  She would sneak away with him when she could do so without being noticed.  One of his many talents was being invisible.  She envied him that.

At one point though he was forced to participate in some stupid oohing and ahing of the gift giving.  Someone had given the mom-to-be a bassinet.

As grumpy as he was, Uncle Genius really did want to be sociable.

He said aloud, “that bayonet is really nice”

Everyone laughed.

“What?  What did I say?”

“It’s bassinet, silly” someone said.  “A bayonet is a type of gun they used in the civil war”

“So I still don’t really see the difference then” he said.

He hated babies and all the rituals around child birth.

She laughs out loud as she remembers that.  God she misses that man.  It’s only been two days and already the world’s edges have become sharper and harder to bare.

Next: Uncle Genius Went Roller Skating

Previous: Memorial Day

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